That was the week that was

Yet another week flashes by. Oh, December 12th to December 18th! What news nuggets have you thrown up for me to digest?

The futility of the death penalty. Over in California, big Arnie, still somehow governor of California (well, they do say that the electorate get the officials they deserve) decided not to grant clemency to Stanley “Tookie” Williams who, having spent 24 years on death row, was executed by lethal injection. Stan, founder of the notorious “Crips” gang in Los Angeles. (not a very PC name is it? Is there another gang called the “Retards”? There should be.) was something of a reformed character, having written many books condemning the “gangsta” lifestyle and devoting his time to peace promotion. But to no avail – “Tookie” has instead joined the other 1,003 people killed by the death penalty in the USA since its reinstatement in 1976. The only other democracies still clinging to the death penalty are Taiwan, Japan and India; but in terms of total numbers executed, the USA falls only behind China, Iran and Vietnam. That’s not very good company for a sophisticated democracy to find itself in.

Democracies don’t torture. Speaking of democracies not behaving how they should, it was heartening this week to see the White House drop its opposition to the legislation proposed by Republican Senator John McCain that seeks to “prohibit the use of cruel, inhuman or degrading interrogation methods of US detainees in US custody around the world”. Or, in layman’s terms: the US government won’t sanction torture. Now, there’s a step forward. Depressing that this is even up for debate in the 21st century. Yes, there is a war going on. Yes, we are dealing with dangerous, murderous people. But one of the cornerstones of the war against Islamofascism has to be that we are not like those we are fighting. Ever. Full stop.

A steaming pile of CAP. Meanwhile, closer to home, Tony Blair has blown perhaps the best opportunity we have ever had of getting the hideous, murderous, common agricultural policy reformed. He should have absolutely refused to concede a single penny of our EU rebate without such assurance. Instead, we are committed to surrendering at least £1,000,000,000 a year on the premise that CAP reforms might be debated sometime. Maybe. In a few years. If there’s time. Nice work, Tone. So who will be paying for this genorosity? Why, that would be us. Let me just get this straight: we have to pay yet more tax to prop up a vile and currupt protectionist monstrosity that rewards (mainly) French farmers for doing fuck all, while condemning millions of farmers in the developing world to extreme conditions of poverty? That’s the “deal” is it? It makes me sick.

Doctor Who in anti-war shock. The Doctor Who Christmas special will contain a stark “anti-war” message this year. In the words of chief writer Russell T Davies: “It’s Christmas Day, a day of peace. There is absolutely an anti-war message because that’s what I think.” Well, thanks for that. So glad we cleared that one up. Who isn’t “anti-war”? What does it mean not to be “anti-war”? Who is out there thinking “Yes! War! Death! Mutilation”?

A glimmer of hope. Speaking of war, the turnout in the Iraqi elections this week was highly encouraging for those of us not routinely, manifestly opposed to the whole situation. When 70% of the electorate turn out to vote, it is an inarguable fact that there is a chance of progress in what is otherwise, for the most part, a complete quagmire. Iraq is a mess, the whole post-war operation was a shambles, and there is still a huge amount of work to be done to ensure political stability. Yet, for all this, the turnout percentage was better than the recent UK or USA elections and most people are embracing their new democratic freedoms, even risking death to cast their vote in some areas.

IslamoNazi. Elsewhere in the region, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for Israel to be moved to Europe (what, literally? How would that work?) and, again, claimed that the Holocaust was a fallacy. I’ve devised a quick formula to establish how we should deal with Iran diplomatically: Holocaust denial + expressed intent to wipe Israel from the map = we should never, ever allow Iran to become a nuclear power. But it made me think of an article I read recently by socialist dinosaur Tony Benn, wherein he accused the US and the UK of “hypocrisy” for condemning Iranian nuclear ambition whilst furthering their own programme. Hmmm. It’s a curious condition of the far left that they seem perfectly able to side with the most monstrous ideologies and dictators rather than ever be seen to side with their own governments: the Communist bloc, Mao Tse Tung, Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, Kosovo. . . the list goes on and on. The hard left were wrong on every single one of these issues and now they are wrong about Iran.

Right, got to go. Early Christmas lunch and fine wines await. . .

Oh! The Turks!

Should Turkey be admitted to the EU? On balance, I would say yes. That is, to an EU based on a loose confederation of co-operating nations in a free trade environment. Not to a Leviathan EU super-state subject to the whims of French farmers. Or, indeed, the whims of Austria, who are the fiercest opponents of Turkish membership.

Hmmm. Austria. . .

Let’s quickly run through Austrian contributions to European prosperity shall we?

• The Austro-Hungarian Empire
• Prince Metternich
• Adolf Hitler
• “Rock Me Amadeus” by Falco

That’s about it. Even the Swiss have given us more – and they’re not even in the EU.

More recently, Austria came first in the “Who can come closest to electing a neo-Nazi in a western European democracy?” competition. (In second place? France.) So I think we should treat the wishes of the good people of Austria with a certain amount of suspicion on this, and indeed, any subject.

It seems to me that in this age of terrifying ideological divide between Western and Eastern cultures, admitting the one predominantly Muslim nation that has a secular democracy, that could perhaps bridge the gap between Europe and the Middle East, would be a good idea. There are issues to be resolved first – Turkey has to make concessions on certain human rights clauses, for example – but nothing that cannot be bridged in the next ten years. Spain did it. So did Greece. So why not Turkey?

A week is a long time in blogging. . .

And two weeks is an eternity. So I thought it long overdue to churn out some thoughts on events of the last couple of weeks. In no particular order:

• George Galloway. Yes, he was entertaining at the Senate hearing, and I’m sure they’ve never come across anything like him before in their prosaic environment. But the man is still an odious little turd. Let’s not forget, either, that he might have come away looking like the victor, but he ducked some big questions that day. Not to be trusted. (The entire transcript of that hearing can be read here. Quite interesting.)

• Liverpool winning the European Cup. A great match, and anyone who comes back from 3-0 down to beat AC Milan in the final should be allowed to defend their cup next season. But they’re definitely not the best team in Europe, whatever it says on paper. Over the course of 38 games last season, they weren’t even the best team in Liverpool. Still, give them Man United’s place and we’ll say no more about it.

• Speaking of which, Malcolm Glazer’s protracted take over of Manche$ter United has been highly entertaining theatre and no mistake. Amusing to see these infuriated Man U fans spitting blood about somebody buying “their” club, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it has been a public company since 1991 so has not been “their” club for some time now. The flotation served them well in the 1990s as they became the richest club on the planet – weren’t complaining then, were they? So you can’t really be surprised when fat corporate scum like Glazer come over from the US with plans to make the company even bigger and richer. OK, he might fail and bankrupt the club if it doesn’t work out. But it’s not all good news. He might make them even more wealthy and successful than they’ve been already – look at his track record, not notable for his failures, is he? Now shut up with your whinging. Man Utd aren’t a football team, they’re a brand name with a football team tacked on the side. Zero sympathy.

• Looks like the French are going to return a resounding “Non” over the European Constitution, which might just derail the whole “European Dream”. Good. I’ve got issues enough with British democracy as it is without passing powers over to an even more undemocratic and distant bureaucracy. Call me old fashioned, but I like my governments small, efficient and transparent. Enormous, anonymous and based in Brussels? Non, non, non. Let’s keep the EU for what it was intended: an environment for economic cooperation and a free market. Ironic, seeing as France was a chief architect of the old Common Market, and their biggest objection to the European Constitution is that it will hurt their long-established protectionist economy. Fuck France and fuck a United Europe too. There, that’s me out of the Eurosceptic closet.

• Another bullshit ruling today on use of cannabis for pain relief. Bottom line: if smoking a naturally occurring substance acts as an efficient method of relieving excruciating pain without any toxic side effects, then it should be allowed. Moreover, if anybody wants to consume a naturally occurring substance for whatever reason, be it recreational or medicinal, it’s nobody else’s business. The arguments for its continued illegality are flimsy and the money and time spent enforcing the law could be better applied elsewhere. Full stop.

• The proliferation of teenage mums. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, we won’t get anywhere until we sterilise the working class.

• That last one was a joke, by the way.

• Bank Holiday Weekends. How I wish we had more of them. Hurray for the three day break, and just look at this weather. See you next Tuesday.

Red Nose Day? I’ve Got A Better Idea

Tony Blair, speaking today at the Commission for Africa, has challenged world leaders to help end the suffering in that blighted continent.

“There can be no excuse, no defence, no justification for the plight of millions of our fellow beings in Africa today. There should be nothing that stands in our way of changing it. That is the simple message from the report published today.”

Well, indeed. Who could argue with the facts? It is indeed a “”stain on our conscience”” as Blair (or was it Gordon Brown?) said some time ago. The life expectancy in Mozambique is 38. Only 12% of roads in Ethiopia are paved. 100 million children have no schooling. Much of the continent is ravaged by HIV/AIDS. Four million children will die this year before reaching the age of 5. The statistics are truly mind boggling. So what can we do to help? It’s all very well politicians talking about giving more aid, but that doesn’’t even scratch the surface. Surely it would be better to give Africa a level playing field? Because despite all the talk of the world being a global market (remember: we are no longer citizens, we are consumers) where all countries should surrender their controls to the beauty of free trade, there still exist arbitrary and expensive guarantee systems like the Common Agricultural Policy (CAP).

For those of you who don’’t know, the CAP is the ludicrous, Kafkaesque mechanism that subsidises European farmers. It ensures that a certain level of output is maintained, regardless of whether or not that particular amount of output is required. The CAP was designed to guarantee that enough food is produced in Europe and (more importantly to the architects of this antiquated scheme) ensure a good standard of living for agricultural workers. Sounds fair enough doesn’’t it? Well, no. For a start it costs £30 billion (about $57 billion) a year to maintain. To put this in context, the total annual EU budget is £60 billion. Another grisly consequence is that it results in (indeed, encourages) over production because farmers are paid to meet certain quotas. So what happens to all this excess? It gets exported to places like, yes, Africa, where local farmers cannot possibly compete with such low prices. Inevitably African producers go bankrupt and the cycle of poverty and despair is exasperated. Who benefits from this deal? France, principally. They are the main sponsors and, unsurprisingly, the most resistant to change. Spain, Ireland and Germany also block reform. Chief proponents of change are the UK, Sweden and the Netherlands.

So for the politicians discussing ways to help Africa in a permanent way, there is an immediate solution staring them in the face: kill the CAP and instead give the £30 billion as development aid. This would be better than a thousand Live Aids or Comic Relief days. Sure it will piss off some French farmers, but they’’re French – they’’re going to be pissed off about something whatever happens. Make them compete like everyone else. I’’ve never understood why agriculture should be singled out for government assistance anyway. Let’’s stop flooding the third world with our cheap surplus produce and give them a chance to compete. Perhaps then parts of Africa might actually have sustainable economies and all the benefits that come with it. In addition, we won’’t have to rely on Red Nose Day every two years which, in the grand scheme of things, is no more effective at solving Africa’’s problems than me pissing into a volcano to cool it down.